Peer Pressure

A healthy part of every child's development is involvement with their peers. This is especially true during adolescence as teenagers develop a sense of independence from their parents. Members of the peer group often dress alike. They talk about similar things, like the same music, laugh at the same jokes and share secrets. Friends provide the young adult with a sounding board to test their ideas and a standard by which to judge their own physical and psychological growth. Adolescents spend much of their time away from home, whether at school, social events, or the homes of their friends. A major source of a teen's security is usually found in the approval of their peers.

This desire to be accepted by their peers is perhaps the strongest motivating force during adolescence and it is for this reason parents should always know who their teenager is "hanging out" with - and for good reason! Often times, an anti-social peer group is associated with the things parents fear most: experimentation with sex, alcohol, or drugs.

The adult perception of peers as having one culture or a unified front of dangerous influence, is not always correct. More often than not peers reinforce Family values but they have the potential to encourage problem behaviors as well. Although the negative peer influence is overemphasized, more can be done to help teenagers experience the Family and the peer group as mutually constructive environments. Here are some facts about parent, adolescent and peer relations:

• During adolescence, parents and adolescents become more physically and psychologically distant from each other.
• Increases in Family strains have prompted teenagers to depend more on peers for emotional support.
• Parent-adolescent conflict increases between childhood and early adolescence, although in most Families, its frequency and intensity remain low.
• Formal dating patterns of two generations ago have been replaced with informal socializing patterns in mixed-sex groups.
• As high schools become more culturally diverse environments, ethnicity is replacing individual abilities or interests as the basis for defining peer "crowds."
• There has been an increase in part-time employment among youth, but it has had little impact on peer relations.

Parents should know that the life children actually live and the life we perceive them to be living are not the same. Their concerns are real and important to them, no matter how trivial they may seem to others. Here are a few suggestions that may help parents understand and bring them closer to their growing teenager:

• Not all peer groups encourage bad behavior. In fact a lot of them favor school achievement, involvement in sports and other extra curricular activities.
• Nurture teenagers' abilities and self-esteem so they can forge positive peer relationships.
• Place sensible restraints on part time employment.
• Do not take what kids do personally or keep scorecards with them.
• Educate yourself about signs of substance abuse and teenage sex. Talk to the kids about these issues. Research has shown that kids prefer to get information about sex from their parents but that most parents don't talk to kids because of discomfort with the subject.
• Teach them decision making and problem solving, and know that your way is not the only right way.
• Be firm but fair, give them reasons why certain things can't be done.
• Remember that your kids may not always listen to you but they are always watching you.

Source: Adolescence and Peer Pressure - Nebraska Cooperative Extension NF95-211